There's probably no right or wrong answer. I just happen to be at a point in my life, ministry, and discipleship where I have discovered another answer, at least for me, for right now. The hardest point in ministry is to realize that ministry has a season, and seasons come to an end. The hardest point in a ministry is to know when you're being called to step away from it. As far as I know, there's no set program or pattern for how this happens. Some may experience it as an inner restlessness or uneasiness. Some may notice a diminishing of effectiveness in themselves in some way, shape, or form. Some may go through the pain of hearing the suggestions of it from those who love them. Some may still be passionate about their ministry, but unable to overcome a core level of weariness in the doing of it. I don't know. For me, it came as I looked at the next great stage in ministry to which God is leading the awesome church I serve and realizing a deep soul fatigue within me. Taking about a year to explore that soul fatigue, I came to understand that it was the voice of God telling me that my days as a lead pastor of a church were done - not just where I serve now, but for good.
It's been a great run; almost four decades. However, the best race has a finish line. So, like it or not, I'm learning some things about a ministry coming to an end. I'm surely not suggesting that I'm navigating it the right way, nor that I'm doing it well at all. Most of the time I feel as though I'm just stumbling through it. One way or another, though, here are some things I'm learning:
- It's a grieving process. Someone I know and care about is dying - Geoff the lead pastor, who preaches most every week, teaches, leads the church in outward focus, etc. It's the only way I've known myself for most of my life. I don't really know myself apart from it. Grief is real and just has to be faced. I'll get through it.
- My identity is not tied to being a lead pastor. Before that and more than that I am a child of God, saved by the love of Jesus the Christ, equipped with the Holy Spirit. That doesn't change. Not that I'm putting myself ANYWHERE CLOSE to the league of these people, but Moses didn't get into the promised land, Elijah didn't get much past being pursued by Jezebel, and John the Baptist didn't get to see Jesus risen while walking this earth. The end of their ministries did not mean the end of their identity in the eyes of God.
- I am loved by a God who makes all things new. If I regard this transition as just an ending, that's my choice, not God's.
- Transitions out of ministries remind us of the one we must trust. I knew that my lead pastor days where done months before I had the slightest clue what would come next. When all we know is, "Not this, anymore," but we don't know what's next, all we have is faith. We just have to lean into the future, understandably scared, but excited in a God for whom nothing is impossible.
I now know the next ministry to which I am called. It's totally different than what I've been doing for 38 years. That's daunting, to be sure. Yet there's also a freshness about it. I kind of feel like I did in 1978 when I first got out of seminary and was just getting started in all this. Trust me, that's a nice feeling for this 62-year-old duffer!
It's messy and it's hard. For any of you who are in ministry, I know it's the last thing you want to think about - knowing when to step away. Don't be afraid. Whenever it happens, you still belong to a God who continually makes all things new...all things...even you.
I'll see you around the next bend in the river. Two more sermons before this float is over.
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