Why I Am What I Am; Why I Do What I Do

People follow Jesus for a variety of reasons: to get to heaven, to feel love, to have purpose, to please others, to fight for God's Kingdom, to get blessed, to succeed, to feel like they're "right" and a host of other reasons. Some are good reasons, and some are not. Last Monday I was gifted with of a reminder of the "why" for me. One day each month I take a "day apart" just to go to a local retreat center and spend time alone with God. At noon on those days a treat myself to lunch at a favorite restaurant in a nearby town that overlooks the Mississippi River. It's there that I had the reminder.

For the last several years in my own prayer life I've been captured by the concept of "praise."
As indicated in the Bible, praise is due to God not because of what God has done, is doing, or will do for us. (That's actually called "thanksgiving.") We praise God because of God, not because of us. The biblical witness indicates that the nature of God evokes praise, regardless of how we benefit or fail to benefit from that. That's probably a pretty foreign concept for many people.

My chosen prayer verse from the Bible is Psalm 46:10 - "Be still and know that I am God." (My friends at the Disciples of Christ Church in our town once had this message on their street sign: "There are two things you need to know - 1) There is a God, 2) You're not Him!") Identity, purpose, hope, and joy are not a function of us. They come from losing ourselves in the One who is our origin and our destiny. We are created for relationship with the Creator, and nothing this life gives us, great blessings though we may receive, will fill what intimacy with God will fulfill. As creatures we have this unavoidable tendency to try to replace God with a thousand different things. We are the architects of our own distance from God. God won't settle for it, though. Jesus is proof of that. His life, his death, his rising, and his promised return are God saying, "This is how much I love you. This is how resolutely and passionately I am reaching for you. You and I together; that is what you were designed for and designed for. Everything else will ultimately fall short. I will not."

In the last several years I have known both glorious circumstances and challenging circumstances in my life, my health, my family, my church, my vocation, and every aspect of my life. Overall, externally, I am blessed more than I could imagine or deserve. Regardless of all that is visible and measurable, though, I know a deep relationship with a God who is real, personal, powerful, and persistent. Like an underground stream gushing up an Ozark spring, God is consistent and vibrant no matter what is happening on the surface. By centering on this God above all, I best love those whom I love most in this life, and I best serve those I am called to serve. I did not have to work for this, earn it, or deserve this relationship. It is a gift, always ready to be given.

Without planning, the morning of my day apart last Monday just kind of gave way to being lost in praise. I'm a relatively shy, retiring, analytical person, not given to bouts of emotion. Yet I just got lost in love for God. So I went to lunch overlooking the Mississippi in this kind of spirit. I was the first one of the lunchtime crowd. A very congenial waiter took my order, then left me alone on the second floor, CNN on the television screen near me, ESPN on the screen above the one or two patrons at the bar below, and blues music in the background. Out of nowhere a question rambled across my mind. "What if this was it, Geoff? What if it ended for you right here; you're number is up and yours days are done? No one knows you here. You're basically alone. They'd have to check your wallet once you keeled over. What if this was it? Would you be okay?" I thought about that. I have a beautiful wife and family who have been the epitome of God's grace for me. Sure I'd like more time with them, but if this is it, I cannot begin to say how much I've been blessed by them. I serve a fantastic, vibrant church. I'd love to serve it for years to come, but, if this is it, I'm so grateful for what I had in every place I served. I have friends who mean the world to me. I'd miss them. But I have God, who I know personally in Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit. And with all the things done, and the many things undone, that which is resolved, and that which is not, with the pains that are healed, and the pains that continue, I would be more than okay. If that had been my moment, glory to God. I'd exit rejoicing. (The waiter probably wondered why his customer was smiling but a little weepy over a southwest salad!)

That is what I long for every human being to feel and know. That's why I am what I am, and that's why I do what I do. I'll see you around the next bend in the river.